I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
