There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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