i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
