Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
