Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
