words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I AM VODKA MAN
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
