at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
