dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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