I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
