You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
