from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
