Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude i'm inner monologue high
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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