How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
