Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
