i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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