i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
