eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Randomize
