Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My feet surprised me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
