idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
