All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize