Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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