I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
