im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
