guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
