Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
