You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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