i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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