i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
