wanna go halves on a baby?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
