Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
