you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
