nut hugger
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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