Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
