This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
