I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
