A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
