Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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