You smell like a Billy Joel song
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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