I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
