I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
