I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
