so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
