She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
