my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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