Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
