after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
