worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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