How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
