Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
