I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
