omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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