Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
