I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I love you.
Bad choice
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize