my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
