He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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