Can Purell be used as lube?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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