Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
