Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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