3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
